How Many Mower Beverages Are Too Many?

Mowing the lawn is a classic part of summer, especially for dads who take pride in their lawn and establishing their dominance over the other dads in the neighborhood. Many dads enjoy cracking open a cold one while laying down those crisp mower stripes. But how many mower beers are too many? We're here to break it down for you.

One Beer: The Starter Sip

Start your engines. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and you are about to take the riding mower out for a spin. The task is simple. Crisp lines, smooth trimming, and showing the neighbors that you're the alpha dad around here. You think to yourself, "Yeah I might as well crack a cold one here. I can still dial it in." The drink is cool and crisp, and you're having a good time.

Two to Three Beers: The Overconfident Zone

Now you're on a roll here. You got 2-3 beers in and you're feeling good. Got some classic dad rock playing on the Bluetooth speaker hanging off the side of the mower, the lines are looking straight, and everything is coming together. You're feeling more confident now and might try getting more creative with the lawn designs. Kind of risky, but the liquid courage is telling you "Hey bud, you look like the type of guy who could totally pull off cutting an American Flag into the lawn. Your wife will love it"

Four to Five Beers: The Risky Zone

Coordination is starting to fall apart here. Your eyes are seeing perfectly straight lines on the lawn, but your neighbors are starting to look sideways at you. You think to yourself "yeah they are definitely staring because the lawn looks great so far. I'll show them"

Six to Seven Beers:

You are starting to realize maybe this was a mistake. As you look at the work you've done so far, the stripes are botched and the stars on the flag are just bald spots on the lawn at this point. You completely miscalculated your abilities but you obviously keep going because you're not a quitter, right? Your wife is staring at you outside the window with a look that says "You're sleeping on the couch". The American Flag idea seemed solid at the time, but as you look around, it just looks like your toddler could've done a better job with their toy mower.

Eight to Ten Beers: Too Many Mower Beverages

The lawn looks like an off-brand Picasso painting. You've been trying to get the mower unstuck from the same rock for the last 15 minutes. The neighbor's teenage kid is filming you for a TikTok, and your wife is marching outside to drag you into the house by your ear. Definitely too many mower beverages. Do not recommend.

In Conclusion

As we all know, it's important to drink responsibly. Mower beers are a Dad tradition over the summer, but don't get ahead of yourself. The important thing is making that lawn shine like the Sistine Chapel of the neighborhood. Nothing is more rewarding than when other dads see your lawn and say "Holy Crap that guy nailed it".